The Final Whistle

Sitting on the side-lines

cheering less and less

Disconnected voices

never sensing my distress.

Benched by circumstance

not an inability to play

Poverty of opportunity

the price I’m forced to pay.

 

How do I stay connected,

when I’m stuck within these walls?

 

I still turn up to training,

hoping my time has yet to come.

but the team fails to see

the shadow I’ve become.

The alarm bell is ringing

the side-lines call again,

but I’ve decided to stay at home

reconnect with lost friends…

 

Will they notice my disconnection,

or the space upon the bench?

 

I shower and prepare myself

for this meeting of minds

No longer care about connecting

with my team-mates who went blind.

I check my reflection in the mirror

to check I’m ready to go

then I count out the tablets

before I change my mind to no.

 

Did we win today I wonder,

as the final whistle blows…

 

 

National Suicide Prevention Week 2019

If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, advice and help can be found here.

http://www.nspa.org.uk

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

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Call me Betty

Call me Betty

The victim blamed

Instead detained

Because I’m the one

enflamed dragon

Shining in the sun

Who raised my voice

And made some noise

Who danced outside

With a lion’s pride

I was shafted

In every way

Yet I’m still locked up

As others play

Come on tae feck

It’s time to play fair

I’ve done my bit

Now you do yours

I won’t be blamed

I won’t be shamed

My voice counts

Don’t let me down

As May Day drew near

I chose hope over fear

doc won’t show

So tell Al I’m calling

It’s time I went home

I’m done falling

The drugs were brutal

They fecked me up

the perceived power

An empty cup

Implied consent

A bullshit scene

I’m wide awake

And full of dreams

I won’t be sedated

Against my will

I won’t be threatened

I’ve been redeemed

So if you’re asleep

Wake from the dream

“Wake from your sleep or learn to love your sedation.” Gerry Cinnamon

The End

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ” Albert Einstein

Dear Doctor,

Do you think perhaps you piqued too soon,

To notice the sun and the moon,

Like Freud, did you get hysterical

About a woman’s cycles?

Or like Jung, did you fear the dark?

Unknowing how to handle, how to protect

Yourself from the demons of the night,

Did you get a fright when the mirror looked back at you?

Calling you to see, to listen, to face the truth?

Or did you run and hide from the light,

Scared its power would reveal your shadow,

Your ego calling you to think you know it all?

That there wasn’t more you could learn?

That those with other qualifications,

Might understand sedation

Better than you. With experience

And the wisdom of the ages

As their teacher. You judged them as a preacher.

And failed to see the power, in the hour

Where they had been called to stand,

To not “wholly comply” with the lies.

To reveal what they knew, what they had been taught,

The gifts they had been given as they prayed to heaven,

For a better world, for more healing, for more feeling,

For light to shine in the darkness

And truth and justice to prevail

in the end.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/mar/02/mythoftheantipsychotic

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piquerism

https://psychdata.blogspot.com/2005/09/generation-ritalin-australia.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Pharma

Better Days

For the cost of sanity,

I ask the questions

People do not want to hear.

Is it fear that holds them back?

Scared to face the truth they lack,

is it more, I think I know, than ego?

More it can’t be so, than what if.

The worries of being cut adrift

Amidst a shit-storm

of biblical proportions.

Mind contortions, must surely

Flip-flop the stomach,

Hasten the heartbeat

cause the breath to catch

If only, for a moment,

While the thought is shushed away

Into a pool of silence

Swirling in the darkness

Of the mind, waiting and then

Once again, the question rises

evidence dances to the surface

that can’t be ignored, twirling

tales so tantalasing of old ways

of better days, but first…

the mirror calls, to see

we must look deep, beyond

the known, into the unknown

the wilderness where wishes

and fantasy become reality.

and love truly conquers all.