The End

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them. ” Albert Einstein

Dear Doctor,

Do you think perhaps you piqued too soon?

To notice the sun and the moon,

Like Freud, did you get hysterical

About a woman’s cycles?

Or like Jung, did you fear the dark?

Unknowing how to handle, how to protect

Yourself from the demons of the night,

Did you get a fright when the mirror looked back at you?

Calling you to see, to listen, to face the truth?

Or did you run and hide from the light,

Scared its power would reveal your shadow,

Your ego calling you to think you know it all?

That there wasn’t more you could learn?

That those with other qualifications,

Might understand sedation

Better than you. With experience

And the wisdom of the ages

As their teacher. You judged them as a preacher.

And failed to see the power, in the hour

Where they had been called to stand,

To not “wholly comply” with the lies.

To reveal what they knew, what they had been taught,

The gifts they had been given as they prayed to heaven,

For a better world, for more healing, for more feeling,

For light to shine in the darkness

And truth and justice to prevail

in the end.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2008/mar/02/mythoftheantipsychotic

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Piquerism

https://psychdata.blogspot.com/2005/09/generation-ritalin-australia.html

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bad_Pharma

She rose from the dust

You’d never have dared

If I hadn’t been on my knees

If I wasn’t already broken

You wouldn’t have the guts

To look me in the eye

As you played with your fly

You wouldn’t dare approach

a woman like me normally

but when my carcass

was weak, you swooped

in like a vulture, dragging

me to the depths of hell.

Where you reside

and then in shame

I hid too.

Using your perceived

position of power,

to prey, to pounce, to violate

my shattered mind

With your lurid intentions

Framed as banter, patter,

Words, just words

but words, that ripped

more flesh from my bones

traumatising my soul

While I was experiencing

grief for the loss

of the woman I was

for this stranger

I didn’t know yet

She was my best friend

The only one who knew

everything, all the shadows

All the light, all the joy,

All the pain, all the love,

All the stories written

along the alphabetic

rollercoaster of my life.

I was still enduring,

battling through,

Learning my strength,

Rebuilding myself

Writing a new chapter

In the book of my life

Getting to know who this

New me was going to be

To adjust my mind

My heart, my soul,

My body burned

with unseen flames

My head exploding

with unheard screams

My heart still cradling.

shattered dreams

You were given a butterfly

To hold, to be gentle with

And your role demanded

You take care of it,

And instead, you crushed

A butterfly’s wings

So fragile, so delicate,

so light and in it’s place

rose a dragon,

forged in fire

yet unconsumed

by its power

She rose from the dust,

Flying, stronger, wiser

than ever before

So if you think

for one minute more

I will carry your shame

You are wrong

I am crying my last tear

As I write this

Testament of truth

to the woman I am

and the scars I carry

A woman strong enough

to endure, to grow, to learn

who loves so deeply

that loss and pain

brings her to her knees

and with every fall, she rises

Over and over again

To love some more

and cry too

but never again

over you.

.#WritingforFreedom#emotionalhealthmatters#writeyourownstory#LetitGo#Thisisme#iambrave#MeToo#Shame#Notminetocarry

25Robert Knox, Wee Tracee and 23 others40 commentsLikeCommentShare

If the cap fits…

I’ve waited a long time to share this story with anyone except a few of my closest friends but it seems the time has finally arrived.

Back in 2012, I wrote myself a Goals for Life list and one of my wishes was to give Dr. Wayne W. Dyer a hug to thank him for the gifts he had brought to this world.

I had long been familiar with Hay House and the contribution they were making to the world and had already began the journey within a few years earlier after meeting David Hamilton PhD and The Caring Clown aka Margaret McCathie who worked alongside Patch Adams in 2008 while I was studying NLP.

David is an amazing man with a sparkle in his eyes and a wealth of wisdom inside him.  A bio-chemist who had worked within the pharmaceutical industry and realised the powerful nature of the placebo, he decided to change path and began exploring “How the Mind Can Heal the Body” and “It’s the Thought that Counts”.  His scientific approach was a breath of fresh air to me as the world had made me a bit cynical at this time.  Margaret demonstrated the power laughter has to help us connect and heal our hurts, and showed me something of myself that I hadn’t seen before about what I give to others naturally.

I shared David’s books with friends, family and their friends and family shared them too.  All of them benefited from them in one way or another and I loved seeing more and more people connect with his work as he produced more books but couldn’t believe his work was being ignored by the mainstream as it contained such a powerful message.

I was in a period of discovery and learning but I was also very busy raising two sets of twins with not a lot of money and I still hadn’t had time to grieve for my stillborn daughter as I had fell pregnant again very quickly afterwards and wanted to make sure that while they were growing they only experienced love, joy and gratitude.  I called my stillborn daughter Abbie as I wanted her to have a connection to Paisley and the Abbey sits right at it’s heart. I didn’t know then how relevant the Abbey would later become to my own story, but that tale is for another day as I’ve rambled a fair bit already so let’s move things along.

When 2012 arrived I had totally changed my perspective on life and for me science was the bridge to spirituality that I needed, opening me up to worlds beyond my imagination.  I was struggling to cope with the things I seen in the world around me and like so many others around the world looked to the sky with my hands in the air saying “Let there be Light” but also asking God to use my hands to help the world.

By the time Hay House brought their “I Can Do It” event to Glasgow, the silent voice inside me was already strong and had been present in my life a long time. It had already led me to places where wonderful things happened many times before.  Even before the announcement of the event I knew deep down I would meet Wayne one day and I had not a penny to my name to spare, so knew I wouldn’t be going to America any time soon.

I began hearing the words “If the cap fits wear it” over and over and had no idea why but knew I would find out, as that was how it always happened.  Then the announcement came and I knew the message was connected with Wayne but how could I believe it?  How egotistical does it sound to say one of the Masters of our time was passing his cap to me, some wee woman from Paisley who was struggling to just hold herself together, and yet, I knew it was true, even then, but first I had to convince myself I was worthy.

I was familiar with the work of many of the Hay House authors but Dr. Wayne was the one who resonated with me most as the power of the “I am” had already shown up in my life through my studies in Psychology and Child Development, I think I had even wrote I poem before about it before I realised this was in Wayne’s teachings too.  The prayer of St. Francis had been the words I had been using in my own life and I knew their power to help me through difficult times and to support me while doing things that terrified me to help others.

On the first day of the event I walked across the bridge to be greeted with a double rainbow, making me smile and know I was exactly where I was meant to be.  I enjoyed learning from all the authors but if I’m completely honest, it was the hug that I wanted to give Wayne which was the main reason I was there.

Every time I saw him he was surrounded with people asking for autographs and pictures which isn’t really my style so I just hung back and waited to see if the moment would come another way.

On the last day of the event at 4pm my friend Adele Logan of CalmPoint Acupuncture looked at each other and said “oh well, maybe next time” as we accepted it was too late and Wayne was nowhere to be seen.

Suddenly, as if out of nowhere he appeared behind us and put his arm around us both, I didn’t even have to ask! I was blown away but I still remembered to thank him for all he had done.  I walked home floating on air at the magic that had happened and spoke to my friends about what I thought was happening.

My eldest daughter had been ill that day with flu like symptoms that had led to fever.  As the rest of the house settled she was struggling so me and her went downstairs and I tried to help her cool down.  She started muttering the words “the doors have opened mummy” right away I thought of the doors of perception and was surprised to hear this from a child but then she seemed scared as a vision of a man appeared to her.  I became a little scared too as I witnessed her fear but I know the power of a mother’s love and in me it runs strong.  I put my arms around her and asked that all energies present be only love and she settled in my arms.  Her temperature began to break, I knew most people would consider this nothing more than a hallucination brought on by fever but I had a feeling it was more than that.  Next day we discussed what had happened again and my daughter described more fully what she had seen and I recognised it as St. Francis and knowing Wayne’s strong connection with St. Francis it confirmed what I had been feeling.  She had never heard of St. Francis before this so I looked up a picture after hearing her description to show her and she agreed it was who she had seen.

But still I had much more work to do before I felt I could share this story with the wider world.  Much has changed since then, that I’m sure I’ll be sharing here or wrapped up in other stories that has shown people who I am and now, well now new worlds seem to be opening up to me and I finally fully accept that yes, yes I am worthy of donning the cap and I know as well as the compassion and love I have always shared with those around me I have gained a much deeper understanding of the pain people can experience through my own fall and subsequent struggle back to the mountain top.

I promise, as I move forward that I will do my best to honour the blessings bestowed on me and share them compassionately with the world.

Dr. Wayne W. Dyer, once again, I thank you.